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Proverbs 16:9 NLT

'We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.'

Listening as a young Christian to many talks on guidance, I was petrified of making the wrong decision. So I made none or, when temptation was too strong to resist, reluctantly made a choice which I swiftly regretted. I was unstable in all my ways (James 1:8). I couldn't make up my mind because I imagined there was a unique God decision I had to discern.

I also confused my search for guidance with my need to generate income. It was quite some time before I saw earning money had nothing to do with who I was. It was simply a means to secure a roof and bread. It was hard separating my identity, personal success, even fulfilment, from the scale of my income. I also had a fear of lack of money and of poverty in months and years to come, despite Jesus’ command not to worry about the future (Matthew 6:34).

At 13 I joined and campaigned for Young Oxfam. I followed the work of Dr Martin Luther King in the USA, raised concerns over the war in Biafra and supported Ravi Shankar and George Harrison’s concert for Bangladesh, the very first charity concert in 1971. I had a deep concern and compassion for humanity, and it is no surprise that once a Christian I worked with disadvantaged young people and then on human rights issues. I knew what made me tick, God breathed on that and guided my steps.

Our calling is seeded deep within us. It often gets buried and lost beneath the essential demands of life, yet will never leave us. I wonder today, looking back, if I was really meant to be a church leader or organiser of Christian events. I once again found my true sense of calling when required to care full-time for my first wife Katey. Very slowly I discovered where my calling lies, despite being besieged by uncertainty and even despair that I might have missed my true calling.

QUESTION: What makes you tick? What inner sense do you have of what you enjoy?

PRAYER: Lord, lead me to where you want me to go.