Day 4 - Issue 25
John 20:19 NLT
That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! “Peace be with you,” he said.
Following Jesus is a roller coaster ride. I embraced Christ with an enthusiasm and an assumption that all would be well with me in life, having surrendered to God. I gazed into my future imagining I would be a solid Christian with firm convictions.
Even before I hit the buffers of childlessness and Katey’s MS, I had my moments. Growing bored with the scriptures, quiet times and prayer meetings, I lost my initial glow, and discipleship became a grind. Discovering the Holy Spirit kick-started my Christian life again, yet I was still dismayed at the level of my hypocrisy. My behaviours, the only real litmus test of the reality of my faith, were disappointing.
Taking God at his word is difficult. ‘Take no thought for tomorrow’ (see Matthew 6:34) preaches well, yet I was worried about tomorrow; what to eat, wear and save. Just as those first disciples didn’t exactly deny Jesus, here they were huddled in fear avoiding the authorities. Then Jesus simply appears among them. Their walls were breached, for there is no hiding from Jesus. Were there consequences to discipleship? Well, yes. But each of them alone enjoyed the power to say yes to God from their heart and not simply with their heads. They each had fears and doubts, as do I, yet Jesus steps inside that prison and invites me, like them, to step out. Jesus will always find me; I alone have the power to follow Jesus.
For years my faith was pretty static. Well-intentioned ministry, nothing heretical, professional and well-regarded, yet always constrained by the fears and doubts that undermined the foundation of my faith. The only way to deal with anxiety, I have found, is to acknowledge it and accept it as a companion on the journey. I have God on my right side, anxiety of my left, and choose, sometimes with considerable hesitation, to choose God over anxiety. This is the walk of faith.
QUESTION: What doubts and fears wall you in?
PRAYER: Sovereign Lord, help me to choose your way over and against my doubts and fears.
