Day 8 - Issue 24
Matthew 2:16 NLT
'Herod was furious when he realized that the wise men had outwitted him.'
If anything reveals the secrets of my heart, it is my behaviour. Herod quickly loses hold of the hospitable and helpful persona presented to the Magi on learning how they’d departed leaving him none the wiser as to the whereabouts of the threat who is Jesus. His outburst is the greater for the deceiver himself feels deceived.
One reason my behaviour breaks socially acceptable standards is because I feel abandoned by God. My prayer appears to lie unanswered. My best spiritual etiquette has failed to elicit the response I demanded and expected from God. Like a child refused sweets in the supermarket, I fold my arms, stamp my feet and allow my real feelings to express themselves. Problem is, when this is my response to spiritual disappointment, I reveal how little faith I have in God.
As I navigated the early years of caring for Katey, I often lost control of my Christian persona that others expected. I was seldom authentically me. I was the preacher, empathetic pastor or charismatic minister that my narrow world of church leadership required of me, or so I thought. Close family constantly saw the discrepancy between my outdoor mask and my indoor fractured reality. I lived a lie; but worse, I perpetuated that lie, deceiving myself and others.
No doubt Herod believed that to rid the world of Jesus was somehow to do good in the world and protect his kingdom and its people from enduring harm. Problem is, it was a deception born of his own understanding alone. All those who assume power run the same risk of believing they always act in the interests of ‘their people’. Certainly today’s populist reaction to political leadership has created shock waves among elected officials who fail to see the difference between ruling and representing people. Church leadership isn’t immune to a similar blind spot.
QUESTION: What brings out the worst in you?
PRAYER: Thank you, Lord, that you knew my worst from the very beginning and loved and died for me anyway.
