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Luke 23:42 NLT

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.”

Gazing back across my life can prove unhelpful. There are many things I might like to change, without the power to do so. On reflection, I can grow somewhat morbid as I perceive how little I appear to have changed. The transformation I imagined I’d experience in spades through the light of Christ within is hard to discern. Jayne tells me not to be hard on myself, yet in all integrity I feel I must cast a critical eye, especially as I believe more deeply today than at any stage in my life.

I struggle the most about the broken relationships which I catch sight of gazing into the rear-view mirror. I don’t experience anything other than disappointment and pain. I have prayed and attempted to appropriately shut the door on all such fractured friendships. One Christmas I wrote to all who came to mind and apologised for any wounds I’d inflicted on them, and thanking them for the many benefits I’d gained for the years we accompanied each other closely. Yet, the shadow of my sorrow can return to haunt me.

Accepting God’s forgiveness is tough, for my human condition appears to want to face a measure of punishment for the things I know I did wrong; the attitudes I entertained that lay far from the love exhibited by Jesus. Such punishment is just yet one more way I yearn to earn my salvation. The crucified thief alongside Jesus had no time or opportunity to amend his past life. Regardless, Jesus forgave and opened the gates of heaven to him.

Failure to live within the gift of grace is itself sin. It’s the assertion of my own independence over and against God-dependence. Grace never denies the reality of wrongdoing, thinking or being. Grace is activated when, like the thief, I come to my senses, acknowledge the reality of my fracture and failures, and place myself at God’s mercy.

QUESTION: Do you have difficulty accepting and living in God’s forgiveness?

PRAYER: Lord Jesus, forgive me my sins as I forgive those who sin against me.