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Genesis 32:11 NLT

'O LORD, please rescue me from the hand of my brother, Esau.'

Fear is a powerful and often controlling emotion. It drives us to make bad decisions in the vain hope that we might retain control over the events of our lives. Some fear is self-induced, other fears more imagined than real. Yet, fear so easily diminishes us and robs us of our future.

From the fear of the consequences when failing to complete my homework when young, to that of some carefully buried secret being discovered and made publicly known, each of us deals with the hold fear puts upon us. As a youngster I became skilled at weaving a web of lies and untruths to cover my tracks. For fear of discovery, I was forced to maintain concealment through building lie upon lie. Then, I feared losing track of my own constructed false narrative.

Here Jacob, who had tricked Esau out of his birthright, returns home after a difficult time serving his father-in-law, Laban. He confesses to God his fear of his twin brother and, out of fear, imagines a solution. While this manufactured solution is presented as a peace offering to Esau, it’s truly all about Jacob’s self-preservation.

My fear as the MS progressed drove me to attempt so many imagined deals with God to secure Katey’s healing that I lost count. Every one demanded effort, and the failure of each one merely deepened my grief. If I wasn’t lying to another, I was perhaps most sadly deceiving myself. Both Katey and I had to face the reality of our own denial of a progressive disease that we couldn’t halt. Was this the fault of God? Or perhaps it wasn’t my place to determine our future. Until we let go of controlling the outcome, if not denial completely, we had little chance to meet God and experience God’s will and way in the heat of our battle. The apparent loss of my preferred future can, in fact, be the birthing of God’s.

QUESTION: How much do you seek to craft your own future?

PRAYER: Lord, help me to trust you for my present and my future.