lystn

You are not who others say you are. That's good news, right? While last week I focused on not criticizing yourself, today a recent event has inspired me to focus on not allowing others to criticize you either. In fact, I will take it a step further and suggest that we not let others define us, name us, shame us, limit us, BULLY us, or act in any way that diminishes who we are destined to be. That’s right, pull up those big-girl panties because my alter ego is dangerously close to the surface. (You have never met Erica but she is in here.) I’m doing lots of deep breathing this week because I’m angry and heart broken at the same time. In case you haven’t been following this story, let me tell you about a bright, young, African-American man named, Jonathan Martin. I believe he is standing in place for a lot of other people, but I have his name so I’m going to use it today. This particular young man may have lost his professional life last week because he was harassed and abused until he couldn’t take it anymore and fled his workplace. He is in a profession where you would hardly expect someone to be bullied and tormented like this but there is a lesson in that for us also. You can be victimized no matter where you work and what you look like. Nothing gets my Warrior Princess riled up as quickly as people using their powers for evil. When people who have been gifted with authority choose to abuse and intimidate the vulnerable, it makes me palms itch. You want to see me go from my usual soft-hearted, fun-loving self to Xena in about 3.6 seconds? Just have the nerve to take advantage of a young person, an old person, the poor, etc. Forget punching stuff in the throat, I want to hurt people who intentionally damage others. I make no apologies for that, because someone has to speak for those whose voices are being drowned out. Back to Jonathan. Jonathan Martin, is on the roster of the Miami Dolphins football team. All the facts are not in, but what we know for sure is that last week after a protracted period of what he felt was abusive behavior in an extremely hostile work environment, he ‘snapped’ and left the facility. Initial reports said he had a nervous breakdown, an emotional crisis, etc. The first word I remember hearing about possible reasons behind the incident was ‘bullying’. Bullying Is Not Macho Let me be clear, football is a brutal, macho, physically intimidating sport. I get that. However, bullying is a different matter. And so is the alleged racial bigotry he was subjected to. As the words of one voicemail he received were released to the public, it became obvious that this was not bullying or harmless hazing. The actions were intentional, ugly, racist, cowardly, repugnant, bigoted and hateful. The fact that nobody stepped in and stopped this bullying is a shame not reserved for athletes.Click to Tweet This situation is front-page news because it happened to professional athletes in a glamour city. But we know this scenario could be playing itself out right in classrooms, boardrooms, libraries and thousands of other locations right now. The fact that nobody stepped in and stopped this is a shame not reserved for athletes. You know that right? Does that give you chills? It does me. Bullying Affects the Bully and the Bullied My heart breaks for this young man. While I happen to believe that him speaking up is incredibly brave I know that the price he will likely have to pay for slaying this particular dragon and saving his life and the lives of others, may be more than he realizes. Because of the macho sensibilities around sports, especially football, and all that I have heard and observed about the behavior inside male locker rooms, there will be many who will call him soft, denigrate his physical skills, and say he should have kept the dispute in house. Maybe that is true. Maybe he tried to do that. But the fact that it is now being widely reported that he is in therapy trying...