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This is the first in a series of toxic people profiles that I will visit from time to time. Today’s profile is the passive aggressive. “Funny thing about passive aggressive people, they can smile and throw you under the bus, then get you to apologize for getting upset about it.” They’re like snipers. They take shots at you and you won’t even know where the bullets are coming from. [1:18] How passive aggressive folk operate Signs you're dealing with a passive aggressive [2:06] 1. A classic sign that you are dealing with a passive aggressive is that pit in your stomach that you can’t seem to shake off.If you have to wonder where you stand, then there’s your answer… on a slippery slope. They keep you in a state of uncertainty. [3:24] 2. You keep going back and forth. Things are good, now they’re not. Rinse and repeat. Every relationship has its ebb and flow. Such is life. Life has its ups and downs. This is different. [4:35] 3. You may be feeling angry and upset, but not sure why or if it is justified. [5:23] 4. They withhold vital information until the last minute. Sometimes they never reveal anything. Their desire is to undermine you. They will conveniently forget to tell you crucial information and revel in the resulting chaos. [5:54] 5. The feeling of uncertainty leads to feelings of powerlessness. Solutions [6:54] 1. Your first line of defense is awareness. That’s true of just about anything, but due to the sneaky nature of passive aggressive, awareness may not come initially. They do an excellent job of keeping their agenda’s hidden. Look at the signs. Listen to your body! [7:33] 2. Acknowledge Unless they have some epiphany, they won’t change. We tend to idealize a situation and say that things could get better and that there is so much potential in the other person. While that could be the case, don’t go by what could be. Go by what is. If the situation improves then, awesome. Until it does, be honest about where things are, and protect yourself emotionally. My line of defense is detachment. [8:54] 3. Accept Awareness is recognizing that the spade. Acknowledging it is calling it a spade. Accepting it is letting it be what it is. Accepting doesn’t mean lying down and letting the other person walk all over you. If the person changes, it must be a decision that they make. We can inspire. We can influence. Ultimately, the decision to change must be theirs. [10:44] 4. Leave a paper trail. Keep a file. Anyone can put up a front, but it takes effort to maintain it. Passive-aggressive are in it for the long haul. They’re not used to people who can wait them out. [11:08] Therefore, your secret weapon against passive aggressive is patience. Anytime you confront them , they’re just deny it anyway. Fantastic GuidanceFebruary 25, 2020 by CLP14 from United StatesI have worked with a therapist for close to five years and Dr. Williams reinforces my therapist’s insights and guidance. Dr. Williams is spot on and I love her no nonsense approach. Her university students are lucky to have someone like her in their young lives. wish I’d had a professor like her early in my life, before I continued some codependent behaviors that caused a lot of pain.AmazingDecember 26, 2019 by Bentbutnotbroken74 from United StatesI love this podcast and I needed this info and positive but yet straight shooting delivery! Thank you!EmpoweringSeptember 29, 2019 by CamSays from United StatesI really appreciate Dr. Shayla’s ‘practical advice’ on dealing with toxic people. She encourages her listeners to take responsibility where they can, to learn that their own self love and respect is the most powerful force to use in relationships. She reminds you of your power so you can stop feeling like a victim. I agree with another commenter- PLEASE get new intro music!!! The current dissonance makes my ears bleed and is, well.....toxic to my enjoyment of the podcast.Love this!September 17,