lystn

Happiness. It’s a feeling that seems unattainable when we're in the darkness of loving someone who suffers with drinking too much or addiction. How can you feel happy in the thick of your pain? Is it possible? Yes, it’s totally and completely possible to go from hurt to joyful in an afternoon. How do I know? Because I’ve done it many, many times. There were lots of mornings when I was a young mom of three and my husband had not come home from his night of drinking and partying. I woke up and had to carry on. The kids needed breakfast and the house needed to be picked up. Life had to keep moving forward, with or without him. One morning I woke up and was determined NOT to go a single minute feeling depressed and defeated anymore. I was not going to let this disease rob me of my happiness and rob my kids of the mom they deserved to have (it was bad enough they didn’t have their father present - I couldn’t check out too). Here are three things I did to feel happy that completely changed my day around to one of the most wonderful, amazing afternoons of my life. It was the day I realized I don't have to be the victim and this disease doesn't have to bring me down every hour of every day. I could be happy if my husband was there or wasn’t there and if he was getting sober or not. 1. Enjoy your life. In order to enjoy your life, you must figure out what gives you joy. So often we get wrapped up in our partner's pain, disease, if he or she going to get sober, or if he or she going to drink. Do you notice where all the effort and attention are going? To your loved one. Today, you can choose to stop putting useless attention into solving issues that you can’t control and, instead, invest that energy into taking care of yourself. Try doing one action or activity that brings you joy. Every day. With intention and determination. You’re not going to put it off. I know... every day seems like a lot to us codependent people who have lived for so long taking care of everyone else’s needs. But you’re giving out more than you’re getting back. And that leaves you feeling resentful and exhausted. Inside the Love Over Addiction program, I show you exactly how to follow through with this new behavior. 2. Make small but important steps. I don’t know about you, but I consider myself to be somewhat of an impatient person. I work hard and I would love to see the results of my hard work immediately. Sometimes (many times) that’s an unrealistic expectation. I think, "Okay, I’ve worked so hard, I’m going to get great results," and then I get so disappointed when I only see minor change. For example, I work out and try my best to eat healthy. Every week I weigh in with my trainer. And if I’ve been doing a really good job with my diet, I expect the scale to show that I’ve lost five pounds. But when it only shows half a pound, I’m so tempted to just give up, go home, and have a bowl of frozen yogurt with my favorite toppings (the yogurt shop has something called cookie butter - I cannot even explain the joy this gives me). But instead, my trainer reminds me, “Michelle, you made improvements this week. That’s something to celebrate,” (and I don’t think he means with frozen yogurt - although that’s immediately where my mind goes). So now, I’m proud of the half pound. I’m pausing and I’m congratulating myself. I sit with the feelings of accomplishment. Then I encourage myself to keep going because it IS working! Take small but important steps in your recovery. Did you keep a quiet mouth today? Perfect. Celebrate that. Did you do one thing that gave you joy like baking cookies, scrapbooking, or taking a bubble bath? Good. Celebrate that. Small steps in recovery equal big victories. 3. Self-care. Are you taking care of yourself physically? Are you eating healing foods? Are you exercising? If not, why? There is a direct correlation between your happiness and how much exercise you get every week. I’m not saying you need to join a gym or commit to an hour every day, 7 days a week or hire a trainer. A brisk, twenty minute walk every day will help you be in a better mood for 12 hours. It reduces your stress hormones and helps cure anxiety and depression. You’re not selfish for making your mental and physical health a priority. You’re being responsible. So out of these three helpful tips, what are you going to commit to this week? You can do one of them. I promise. You’re so much more capable than you give yourself credit for. Be kind to yourself and celebrate your victories. Be proud of yourself and know that I am proud of you too. I want to come alongside you, encourage you, and show you step-by-step how to start your recovery and your healing in the Love Over Addiction program. You’ll learn how to find your joy, happiness, and peace if your partner gets sober or not. You can have a new beginning. A new hope.I hope you’ll join hundreds of women just like you.